trip down memory lane for the next few weeks

In looking for an old wicker desk I knew was in my room somewhere, I stumbled upon an old journal I got years ago as a Christmas present. I went through my phase of journaling as most of my friends did. This journal, as all my other ones, remains unfinished. However, the cool thing about this journal is that it gave prompts for the writer to respond to. Reading through them, I am astonished by how much I have changed....and how much I haven't. The next few weeks, before I head South for the summer, I thought I would share a few. My first one is from April 1999 - I was fourteen years old. The prompt was "What are the things that MATTER most to you in your life right now?"

The things that matter most to me now are school, my family and my friends. Seems pretty self-centered I know but when you're a 14 year old growing up in a small town in Central New York, what else is there to matter? Good grades are your ticket out of here so school is top most. Your family is there 24 hours a day and you love them so of course they matter a lot. My friends are there all the time my family isn't there so they also matter because almost as much as your family, they shape what you will be when you're older.

On reading this over today, I was struck with a few things. One, my briefness. I don't think I have written anything that short since then, or something with so few commas. Sadly, it sounds like an essay for a Regents exam. I hope my writing has improved. Secondly, my discontent on being in a small town. It was an attitude I carried until the minute I left for college. Then all of the sudden, where I came from was an integral part of who I was and my missing pride when I was growing up came in droves. The importance of school has shifted over the years - in grad school they tell me grades don't count - yet, my insistence on the importance of my education has only grown stronger as I get older. One thing that has not changed is my emphasis on family and friends. They were a major shaping force in who I am today and I thank heavens every night for who I was blessed with to help me this far. Overall, I was almost mad at my fourteen year old self for being moody it seemed. I vaguely remember writing in this journal, lamenting my boring, safe, privileged life. It's laughable now but I guess that's how you're supposed to sound at fourteen.

Grad School is not conducive to blogging...

So, if you haven't figured out by now, graduate school isn't exactly a walk in the park for me. Obviously if nothing else it is time consuming. Besides eating and sleeping, I spend my time reading, doing homework or procrastinating (an exhausting activity in itself I'll have you know).

Apparently there is something called "impostor syndrome" in which you feel completely inadequate and like you do not belong in grad school. I am suffering from this and apparently it's not going away. However, I maintain my class schedule is designed to make me feel like an idiot...

I am an archives and records management major people. I do not need to know nor use algorithms to create encryption codes. I will promise to never attempt to....ever. The thing that irks me about this class is it's whole goal is to make us be able to discuss technical issues with IT people. Personally, this is not the most helpful skill to me and my future career plans. I would think learning basic web design would be more useful. Understanding how to utilize the tools of the Internet for public relations and to better serve researchers and the like. A class like that seems to be more useful to me that being able to simply converse on libraries and APIs and the like. However, I think I may just be frustrated and bitter at the moment.

However, I am approaching the point of the semester where I get to design my schedule for next semester. There is a class on the History of Books. I think it might be a gift just for me. My interest is more along the lines of rare books anyway so I'm going to cross my fingers I get into that class(I am the girl who hugged a first edition copy of Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities while I was in England. I think I alarmed the bookstore owner...). It'll give me something to look forward to anyway!

In other exciting news, it snowed here yesterday morning. Who knew I'd miss Gettysburg's climate?!